On Anger…
I do not feel like writing today. I am upset at all the things my day job does wrong. Upset at all the ways that I have to cover myself in the event something goes belly-up. All the ways that my manager is looking every moment for something I’ve done wrong, rather than seeing all the things I do right. Tired of paying the price for the sins of our IT Department. That’s business today “Guilty unless you can prove otherwise, to be fired at the soonest convenience.”
I give and I give of myself to this faceless company. I toil, I wrestle, I sweat, and I labor for their gain and take only crumbs for myself. I am used and abused with the iron clad certainty that the first time I try to take issue, I can be replaced with another in an endless line of disposable employees.
Then it hit me like a blow to the stomach: This is quite literally the only way that I can escape the daily grind. Writing. Words are the only thing that will set me free to enjoy my existence rather than endure it. That moment led to a second revelation: Anger will carry me through days where I would otherwise give up.
Now, I’m not talking about blood-boiling road-rage inspired table flipping. No, I need to take all of my frustrations, all of my ill-treatments, and all of my personal anxieties and throw them into whatever engine powers my fingers. I need to take the anger I feel and pour it out on paper. I need to use it to take me out of what might have been an otherwise unproductive day, and instead work the muscles which shall be my salvation. I must use the excrement handed to me by those whom I rely on, and simply add it to the fire of my passions.
Rage alone is not enough. Feelings of ill-use without action serves no purpose. Anger without direction is a loose cannon. Beware the tempered steel of my anger World, for words can shake the very foundations of the Earth. I shall not wear these chains for all of my days, I shall not be shackled in place with no hope of escape from the endless labor set before me. I shall win my freedom. I shall use the anger within to shape the world without.
Do your worst World. I am ready for you.
Fiercely,
Justin
