On Quitting…

I wanted to write another section of Temple in the Stars this evening, but I don’t think I’m going to.

Now for something completely different.  Yes, I stole that from Monty Python.  No, I’m not sorry.

I am listening to the incredible work of Samantha Shannon right now in an effort to continue expanding my horizons for my own writing.  Her novel, The Bone Season, has the feel of one of my favorite novels of all time: Neuromancer.  The opening act of the book is… perfect.  Crafted with a delicate care, each line building on top of the other with gossamer strands that somehow become as strong as steel.  I’m going to go back and listen to it again.  Most likely more than once.  It is a work of such care and strident skill that my fledgling writing skills couldn’t cope with it’s majesty.  I sat there, staring at my laptop, at the blank page I had set aside for Monday’s work, and I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t sit there, having listened to something done so incredibly well, in the same style and genre that I would love to work in, and lie to myself that I could craft something equally as gripping.  I just couldn’t.  So I quit.  I threw my hands up, decried that I wouldn’t ever attain any success or validation or freedom from my work, and went downstairs to pout. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you one of the most singularly important skills of any aspiring author: The ability to say “Eff this”, blow off all the steam you need to, then come back to your preferred writing device and keep plugging away.  It might seem completely counter-intuitive, but that’s actually an incredibly important skill.

Let’s face it, anyone who is entering the writing field at the same time I am knows this one unerring truth: There are so many great writers out there that it’s disgusting.  Hundreds of thousands of books, novellas, short stories, and countless blogs are being written every single year.  Men and women, gifted with the alchemical mixture of talent and effort, are cranking out works of stunning quality.  With E-Reading devices and the current preference for a shorter writing format easily read in one sitting, we are also living in a new Golden Age for short stories and serial stories.  Honestly, it’s been a mad, mad world for anyone who has wished to enter into the world of self-publishing.  It’s entirely possible to make a living, a good living, off of nothing more than serial short stories released on the Kindle Self Publishing platform.  That’s actually what I’m endeavoring to do with Temple in the Stars.  I’ve obtained the services of an editor, and have asked an amazing artist to do the cover work.

That’s slightly tangential however, as the main point is that there are an enormous amount of amazing authors.  Some of them have been writing a long, long time.  They are master craftsman in their various genres.  A select few are master craftsman of any genre they turn their mind to!  Elizabeth Bear conquered Sci-Fi morality plays, moved into high fantasy, moved into epic fantasy, went into space opera, then came full circle back to fantasy.  She just writes whatever she feels like, and it’s all extraordinary.

I CAN’T POSSIBLY KEEP UP WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!!!

If I’m incapable of admitting from time to time that the men and women who are already published authors are, you know, better in every possible way at writing than I am, then I had best find a new Therapist because I have a new psychosis.  Seriously, if anyone in my position didn’t ever feel that way, I would have significant concerns for their health and well being.  That level of confidence and self delusion is surely unhealthy.

These men and women are better than me right now.  They have more practice, they’ve been working longer, harder, and more consistently than I have.  They’ve taken their ideas, refined and distilled them over countless hours of editing, and had a team of professionals assist along the way.  I’m just a guy with a laptop, a website he paid 12 dollars for, and a dream.  It’s not bad that I feel inadequate, it’s completely freakin’ rational!

Being able to release the pressure of my own expectations and desires for a professional writing career is healthy for me.  I have some pretty high hopes, some pretty deep desires, and what I truly want is to travel around the country, meeting the extraordinary people who make this life a possibility.  I want to speak to men and women who are trying to be authors, and help them along their own journey.  I want to earn the recognition and respect of men and women I admire by creating things that they themselves enjoy.  I want to give back to these men and women and count myself among them.  I’m not there yet, and trying to lash such enormous dreams within myself is madness.  I would surely break under such strain.  I have to be willing to let go from time to time.

Quitfully,
Justin