Meatsuit Reroot – One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Confession time.

I’ve let myself go again.

Big shock, right?  I find my hook, and I keep finding ways to screw myself out of using it.  I eat donuts like they were popcorn.  I eat ice-cream like it’s going out of style.  I have more sugar than you can shake a stick at.

This morning, I was at 263 pounds.

My whole life, it’s felt like I finally have things right and then everything blows up in my face.  It drives me a little mad that I’ve been given all the time that I could ever want to take care of myself, and I’m taking less care of myself than ever before.  Quite honestly, it makes me feel ashamed.  Like a failure who will never amount to anything.

I have things that I’m trying to do to correct this impression.  I have begun using the 7 Minute Scientific workout.  It’s.. hard.  I could barely do any of it, and the parts that I could do I did poorly.  I’ve brought out the exercise bike next to the desk.  I’m going to try and do everything I can to exercise every day and make that a priority.

The harsh truth is that my weight loss down to 185 was the product of a lifestyle which promoted such things.  I didn’t have bills, student debt, credit card debt, or any of the other things that create stress in my life now.  I used to ride bikes every single day for hours on end, and then play Dance Dance Revolution for even more hours of exercise.

Because of my age, and because of how poorly I’ve taken care of myself this last month, betting on me losing any significant amount of weight will be a long shot.  It’s probably never going to happen, at this late date.  I’ll keep working, I’ll keep exercising, and I’ll keep track of it all as best as I can.  I just don’t know that hope is something I will have with me unless I actually turn a corner and keep on the other side.

Weightfully,
Justin