Write Anyway

I don’t want to write today.

I’m tired, having gotten terrible sleep over the course of the day as I tried to straighten out every issue that has arisen of late.

I’m mentally exhausted from said issues as they are labor, time, and attention intensive things which need correction.  I can’t let them fester; they must be dealt with.

I’m also dealing with the fact that I’ve now had to go through three major changes to my sleep schedule over the last month.  I’m neither young nor am I in fantastic shape.  To say it’s been a struggle is a supreme understatement.  It’s been a nightmare each time, and each time it was unavoidably necessary.

And yet…

This post still needed writing.  I must continue to use the time that I have set aside for writing to write the things which need written.  Writing is the fundamental requirement of an author.  Just because I don’t want to do the critical mission function of this job doesn’t mean I get a pass and still get to call myself an author whenever I want.  I have to write, even when I’m tired.  Or when I’m angry.  Or when I’m mentally at my limit.

I’ve lost a lot of days in the past that I’ve lost to bad mental health.  While some days like that are simply unavoidable, I’ve had too many of them of late.  It’s begun to take a toll, and I don’t like what the cost has been.  I’ve been writing for two years and some change now, and I need to take this far more seriously if I’m ever going to get off the ground.

There is some light at the end of the tunnel.  Even something as simple as making sure the blog has been updated on schedule week in and week out has provided substantial dividends.  I’ve managed to see consistent growth in long term readers, as well as increases in engagement here as well as on Twitter.

I’ve also gotten a lot of traction on my Twitch Streaming activities, consistently finding multiple viewers each stream.  For the longest time, I was talking to myself.  That has changed, and that gives me hope that one day it can become A Thing that I do in addition to the writing here on The Quill and the Queen of Frost podcast.  Speaking of, the second episode of the Podcast has made its way to The Narrator, to be finished whenever the time is available to them.

All in all, I’ve somehow managed to turn my adamant refusal to miss writing deadlines into the first bright spot of my year.  That bright spot is only possible because even when the chips are down, I’m unwilling to settle any longer.

I’m tired, stretched thin, and roughed up.  And you know what?

I wrote anyway.

Wordfully,

Justin