Meatsuit Reroot – May 2nd, 2017
This used to be a part of posts that I would do, attempting to use the shame at my weight gain to motivate me back into a full-time state of ketosis. It hasn’t worked so far. So I’m going to go even deeper, down another level, and begin doing this post on my off days. Let’s hope it does something far faster than the previous attempt.
Let me lay everything out, before I get started. When I was younger, say about 10 to 19, I gained an extraordinary amount of weight. Towards the end, I was close to 300 pounds. From 19 to 21, I lost almost 130 pounds, down to 175. From about 24 to now, I’ve put that weight back on. It’s been hard, to say the least, to see photos of myself from when I was skinny. I feel like I have betrayed myself. Like I betrayed all the effort I made to get down so far.
It turns out, it wasn’t really my fault. Weight loss is seldom permanent. Most, if not all, of the men and women who lose such vast amount of weight put it back on. Why? Because, your body treats weight loss as an emergency. It actively, vigorously, struggles to put the weight that you’ve rid yourself of back on. Forever. It never, ever, stops.
Which is why men and women in my position struggle so hard. My body is fighting me every single step on the way down. Not only must I fight against my increased weight and all that it implies, I must fight my brain chemistry, my addiction to sugar, and my bodies own sabotage. It’s not a pretty picture.
Last year, I got up to 276, and said no more. I went on a new diet, ketosis, and the weight flew off. I got all the way down to 226 by the time November rolled around. Then I started cheating, telling myself it was only for the holidays. That stretched into six months, and here we are at the start of May of 2017, and I’m at 256 pounds. It’s not as bad as it could be, but it’s severe enough that I could begin doing myself permanent, irreversible damage if I continue as I have been.
I have to face it: Sugar is no longer something I can have. Not even in little doses. A little sugar turns into me getting milk-shakes every single freakin day. It’s expensive, and it’s unhealthy as all get out.
So I’m back into ketosis. Today’s meals so far have been hamburgers with no bun, turkey sausage, and eggs and cheese. That’s essentially all I am able to eat. Stevia is something I can have, and I’m going to start cooking more frequently to allay the worst of the issues with the diet. Namely, the lack of true variety. When you have to maintain a constant vigil against sugar and carbs, your food options begin to vanish. I need to strike back.
I want to eat sweet things. I want to have something that I can nosh on which is savory and delicious. I don’t want to eat the same nonsense over and over and over. It’s a recipe for disaster. Because this isn’t a temporary fix. I will be forced to eat this way for the rest of my life. Period. End of discussion.
No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, the plain reality is that if I slip for even a moment, my body will happily undo all the progress I’ve made. It won’t even feel bad about it. So I have to compensate for that, and to do that I have to begin giving myself outs. To give myself options. Because if I can’t do that, I’m doomed, and it will be my lifespan which will pay the price. My son, my wife, and my friends who will bear that cost. I will be dead, and beyond any such cares. However, I owe it to everyone around me to persevere. It isn’t easy, but it is necessary.
Weightfully,
Justin
